Heaven
by cruentus-luna
Summary: Do you have a heaven" rnHarryDraco SLASH! Don't like, don't read, don't flame.


Cruentus-luna: Please note that English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for all the grammatical and spelling mistakes I will make, my tenses are one of _the _most horrid things on earth.

Disclaimer: You really don't want me to own Harry Potter…trust me.

Genre: Romance, fluff, sap, tiny _tiny_ tiny bit-o-angst. (Ok, maybe not _tiny_)

Warnings: POV, slash and swearing.

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Harry/Draco (what else?)

Archive: Just ask

Reviews: Cries, weeps, begs for R/R

Title: Heaven

Author: cruentus-luna

Summary: Harry/Draco SLASH Don't like, don't read, don't flame. "Do you have a heaven?"

_By the way, yes I know the quote doesn't make sense…_

Chapter: 1/1

"Do you have a heaven?"

"What _are_ you on about now Harry?" I sighed and fought the urge to throttle him. It's just so like him to open his mouth and ruin a nice moment like this.

"Well, you know…" he said, unwrapping his arms from me to gesture in the air, I think I growled, "a place, or something you think about when your sad, or somewhere you go to think, someplace you feel safe or…" he said gesturing some more, "a place where you feel could be for the rest of your life."

"Harry," I said, retrieving and returning his arms to their rightful place, trying to salvage the moment, "I think the right word you're looking for is haven. Heaven is the place up there somewhere," I said jerking my head upwards.

"Fine, haven then," he said bringing my head to his chest and burying his hands in my hair. Now that's more like it, maybe he'll shut up now.

"Do you have a haven?" _so much for that thought._

"What's with the questions?" I mumbled against his chest.

"Just a thought," he whispered back, "I'm sleepy."

I don't know what I said to reply to that, I was already half asleep.

The next few months after that, things went…weird. During classes, a professor or a random student would come into class, request for him to be excused and then he would be gone for the rest of that lesson.

Every time I asked about it he would either steer the conversation in another direction or kiss me so thoroughly that I forgot my own name, much less the fact that I was actually waiting for an answer.

Every time I go to him I would be bound and determined _not_ to fall into his traps, and then all he has to do is kiss me or do something as little as smile and tell me he loves me and I would forget everything.

Pathetic? Yeah, I know.

Today, I walked over to our meeting place with the same intentions in mind:

To find out just exactly _what_ is going on.

"…leaving **_tonight!_**" I heard just as I was about to knock on the door. That sounded like Granger's voice, and she didn't sound very happy. I decided to withhold knocking for the moment, Granger rarely ever raises her voice. Wonder what got her all riled up?

"'Mione, please, keep your voice down. He'll be here any minute and he might hear you." came Harry's hurried whisper. I leant a bit closer to the door, I'm the one he's supposed to be meeting, what doesn't Harry want me to know?

"Well, he has every right to _know!_" she scolded, but lowered her voice nevertheless, "gods, I can't believe it, tonight…"

_What's going to happen tonight?_

"Dumbledore said it's best if I go tonight," Harry sighed. There was the sound of a chair being scraped across the floor, "'Mione," he whispered, and I was hard pressed to hear what he said next, "I don't think I can tell him."

"You bloody well are going to tell him!" she practically screamed. I jumped at the sudden change in volume, "how do you think he'll feel if he wakes up the next day to only find you gone?"

_Gone? _What's she talking about. Where would Harry be going?

"You're right, I'll tell him today. But 'Mione, what if…" he trailed off, "what if I don't come back?"

_What?_

There was the sound of someone getting up, and I imagined that right about now, Granger would be in Harry's face.

"Harry," there was a pause, "Harry, look at me. You're going to tell Malfoy where you'll be going tonight. You're going to go and defeat Voldermorte…" _what? "_...and you are going to come-"

After hearing that I decided that was all I needed to hear and burst into the room. On any other day seeing Granger's and Harry's expressions would have had me laughing. But not today, I was livid, I was mad I was…scared.

"**Harold James Potter!**" I said as soon as I got to him, "_when,_ were you going to tell me this?"

"Um," he squeaked, "now?"

"That's not good enough. You weren't even planning on telling me until Granger knocked some sense into you."

"I'm sorry Draco. It's just that…well…I don't have a reason really…other than, I love you. But then that just sounds lame, but I really do, and I just don't want to see you hurt, and I-" he looked so sad then, all my anger just bled away. Damn you Harry for being so…sweet.

"Shh, it's ok," I sighed pressing a finger to his lips, "just don't do that to me again ok? I mean, how do you think I would feel if I woke up tomorrow and you weren't there?"

"Oh Draco," he said gathering me up and pulling me towards him, "I don't want to go," _I don't want you to go either, _"I don't want to lose this."

"Never," I growled, pulling him impossibly closer, "you'll never lose this. You'll never lose me."

"What if," he said repeating his thoughts from earlier, I buried my face in his neck trying to prevent myself from hearing the words, "what if I-"

"No," I said putting as much reassurance I could in that one word, interrupting him before he could finish his sentence. "You will come back to us. To me."

_You have to._

"You're going to fry is ugly, rotten ass," I said backing up to look in his eyes, he chuckled at bit at my choice of words, "and. come. back. to. me" I said between kisses. "Then we are going to finish school and we are going to buy a house and move in together. We're going to sleep in late every morning, make sickly sweet eyes at each other for the rest of the day, feed each other strawberries and have sex everywhere in between."

He laughed and brought my face down for a kiss, "can we have a dog?"

"Of course," I said when I regained my breath, "we can have all the damn dogs you want. We can even have a fucking elephant if you'd want it."

He laughed and kissed me again, and again, and again before I remembered something. "Granger!" I exclaimed suddenly, looking around. When I couldn't see her anywhere in sight I was confused, "where's Granger?"

"She left," he said kissing _that_ spot behind my jaw, "ages ago actually."

Oh.

"Well in that case," I whispered pulling him towards me, "how about I give you a little taste of our future?"

"Which bit?" he asked playfully.

I pushed my hips forwards and ground against him.

"Oh," he said green eyes darkening in pleasure, playful smile still lingering, "that bit."

I woke up the next morning in my bed. With a sinking feeling I realized that he was gone. That last night might have been the last time I ever get to see him, feel him, love him…

No! I can't think like that, he's going to come back. He's going to come back and we're going to have that future that we had dreamed of. He's going to defeat Voldermorte. And I'll get to see him again; get to drown in his beautiful eyes, hear his voice, feel his lips, run my hands through his hair, caress his face. He's going to come back.

_He has to. _

_Gods, _I thought, hands shaking, breathe hitching, _he has to. _

The first two months weren't that bad, because I could tell myself that it would take him time to travel there, wherever there was, and back. It would take time to find the dark lord, it would take time to defeat him. I ignored the fact that Dumbledore wouldn't have let Harry go if he didn't know where he was, I ignored the fact that he could've used a port-key, apparated or rode on something.

Halfway through the third month, I was still thinking the same thing. But then I started to worry, I started to think _what if,_ _what if_ he was hurt, _what if_ it was all a trap, _what if_ he was out there right now, hurting, bleeding and I would know nothing of it?

After that I started sitting outside, looking out towards the gates, towards the forest. Whenever I was inside I would stare at all the doors, praying that he would walk through them. I had never prayed before, but during those months, I did a lot of it. I made many promises, _if you bring him back to me I'll never take him for granted, if you bring him back to me I'll never leave him, I'll never hurt him, I'll always love him. _

By the time the sixth month had come and gone I was having dreams, don't get me wrong, I had a few of them before, but I started having them every night. Some were good, they made me smile.

One of the best ones was of him never leaving. Where we were both normal wizards, with nothing to worry about but our grades, what clothes to wear, and who was going out with who. Where we walked down the corridors and woke up everyday in each other's arms and the most stressing thing that both of us ever had to do was to figure out what the other would want for their birthday.

Those dreams made me smile. But they didn't come often enough.

Then there were the dreams that made me toss and turn, that made me claw that the sheets, that made me scream. There are not many dreams that can make me do that. Actually, besides from this one, there was only one other. But that other dream haunted me when I was a child, it was of stupid, of useless things. When I was a child, I used to have the toy dragon which I had loved. I had brought it everywhere with me, I had slept with it, I had brought it to tutor classes, to the dining table, to balls, it was called Jade. Jade was emerald green, with a silver belly and black eyes. When I was a child, my worst dream was of Jade bursting into flames. When I was 5 my father took her away. I had cried, but my father just scolded me and told me that I was too old for useless toys. I got over her a few days later though, but somehow, I just know that I wouldn't get over this. I wish my dreams were of childish fears, but they were vivid, bloody and full of anguished screams and pain. I won't tell you what exactly I dreamt, besides the fact that Harry doesn't come back in them and he dies in ways that would haunt me for…a very long time.

These dreams came almost every night. They left me panting, they left me screaming they left me with tears.

I was afraid to sleep then.

On the seventh month, I was a wreck, I wasn't sleeping, I hardly ate and Dumbledore declared Harry missing. I was forced to stop taking classes, so I just sat and stared out my window instead.

On the ninth month, I hardly ever moved from what was now considered 'my spot' on the window ledge. People had come and tried to make me eat more, go outside, read a book and they all had gone.

On the tenth month, someone came in and carried me from my spot at the window, forced me to take a shower and dragged me to the great hall. Everyone was silent as the other person and I walked into the hall. He dragged me to the Slytherin table and pushed me down onto the bench. It was then I realized that it was Snape, he wasn't looking too good either. He left me sitting there and walked over and sat down at the teacher's table, the sound of his movements oddly loud and echoing in the silent hall.

Dumbledore had stood up from his place at the table, and held up his goblet in a toast. Something twisted painfully in my gut.

Everyone got up to do the same.

With only two words, Dumbledore had confirmed what the whole school had feared.

"I'm sorry," he said looking straight at me.

Something dropped and made a crashing sound and belatedly I realized that my goblet was gone from my hand. Strangely all I could concentrate on was the pumpkin juice slowly making its way along the table and dripping onto the floor.

Then suddenly the world came back into focus. Suddenly, everything around me came into startling focus, I could see a string of blue thread in Blaise's shirt, hear the beginnings of rain from outside, smell the floral scent of Pansy's shampoo. Then just as suddenly everything went blank, all I could hear was Dumbledore's apology, playing over and over in my head. The thing that really scares me is that I can barely remember what I did after that. I can remember that I had gotten up and screamed something, I can remember my vision had being flooded with tears. I remember the feeling of them flowing down my cheeks. I remember running back to my room and stripping to take a bath.

People say I had tried to drown myself, but I really don't remember.

I had stopped counting the days after that.

When I saw the figure limping down the path I thought I was dreaming, so I just sat where I was. I had had enough of them that I knew what would happen when I got to him. He would either collapse in my arms, with his dead eyes staring up at me or he would disappear. But then I caught sight of his eyes and my breath caught in my throat. Oh god, it really was him. In all my dreams I could never get his eyes right, they were just a bit too dull, a bit too green or a bit too cold.

I looked terrible, I knew I did. My eyes were bloodshot, my hair was a mess, my clothes were rumpled, but I couldn't have cared less. I pushed away from the window ledge I was sitting at, ran out of my dorm and down the stairs.

I barged out the doors smile already spreading across my face, arms already wide open.

He looks up, surprise was the first emotion that showed on his face, as if he couldn't believe he was actually here. His eye was swollen and bruised, several scratches adorned his face, his hands were cut and bloody and his clothes were torn. In-between the scraps of cloth you could see bruises, cuts and gashes littering his entire frame.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

I ran over to him, laughing and smiling until I thought my face would split. And even then I didn't stop.

I ran up to him and enveloped him in my arms, nearly knocking him over. But then a choked laugh came from his throat and he wrapped his shaky arms around me, fist loosely then finally they tightened. Even though I had believed it was him before, it wasn't until then that I believed in with all my heart, all my soul. I felt something loosen within me and all the months' frustrations, fears and exhaustion just melted away. Both our legs gave way and we collapsed to the ground, trying out damnest not to cry.

Everyone has a their own different idea on what heaven is; mine isn't a place you go to when you die, where angels fly with their feathery white wings, nor is mine a place above the clouds. Mine is right here, standing in front of me. Mine is tired, bruised and battered but beautiful all the same. "I've found my heaven," I whispered, suddenly remembering his question from so long ago, and I captured his lips a kiss.

_Yes_, I decided as my lips connected with his, _this is where I would gladly spend forever._

CL: Hey, like it? I'm pretty proud of this. I think it's good but its other people's opinions that are important right? So, C/C is really appreciated. And I apologize again for all the grammatical mistakes that I most likely made (English is just so _hard_ to learn). I proofread this a grand total of once because by the time I finished writing the story it was around 2am and I'm about to die of tiredness. Stupid, I know, but once I got the idea in my head I couldn't stop writing.

Insert-shameless-self-advertising 

I think the next story I'm putting up will be a chaptered one gaspshock

It's either going to be the one of my AUs one about Harry being a superstar (the funnier of the two), the other about Harry being a magical creature (angst-y and heavy)

Or, the one where Harry and Draco get turned into kids 

If you want to know more about them, visit my bio. And if it's not too much trouble can you tell me which one you want me to put up first in a review or an email?

Thanks!

/end-shameless-self-advertising 

Drops dead.

CL#2: Urgh, I just read this again and I am **so** embarrassed because of the amount of mistakes I made, I've corrected all that I could and I've reposted it, please forgive me for the horrendous mistakes you had to read through (I've probably still got 50 more.)


End file.
